About 2 AM
by Mariphasa Hecatene
Summary: After the battle with Rikudo, Sanzo fears for his future, and receives comfort from an unexpected source. Spoilers for manga vol. 3 and Gensomaden Saiyuki episode 7. Very mild Gojyo & Sanzo shounen-ai.


About 2 AM, with sleep still distant, Sanzo decided on an experiment. Gripping the edges of the bed, he took a deep breath and eased himself slowly into a sitting position. The bandages were just tight enough to let him bend slightly without tearing--Hakkai's usual efficient work--and the pain was bad, but not nearly bad enough to be keeping him awake.

So, as he'd suspected, it wasn't that at all.

_That man…what that man had become…_

He rested his head in his hands. So many memories and emotions, some still raw after all these years. How had it ended this way? Why had the last two survivors of Kinzan Temple faced off in a fight to the death? He knew he'd been right in ending that tortured life, but Rikudo--Shuei--had been his friend once, one of the only two he'd ever had_. I thought I knew him… how could he have broken so easily?_

It was too much: he needed a cigarette. And…

…_the bastard was still wearing my beads…_

He _really _needed that cigarette. He swore softly and pushed himself out of bed.

He didn't have to walk far, which was fortunate, because every few feet he had to lean on the wall and fight back a wave of dizziness. ( Hadn't he heard Hakkai say something about his losing too much blood? He thought he had, right before that soft sultry voice he couldn't quite place had called him by another name…) The corridor behind his room, lit by a dim yellow lamp, turned right to an exit sign and a small balcony; through the open door cool night air and cigarette smoke drifted down the hall toward him.

Sanzo stepped out, pulling a battered half-pack out of his jeans pocket, and held one slightly bent smoke out to Gojyo for a light, not even glancing over to be sure it was he. Metallic click of his Zippo and a dry chuckle as the hanyou complied.

He took a deep, grateful drag on the cigarette and got a searching look from Gojyo, who was propped against the wall to the right of the door, long legs braced out in front of him.

"You'll get a hell of a lecture if Hakkai sees you up. He said you ought to be out three days at least."

"Let him lecture. I can't sleep." The monk leaned into the wall, glad of its support. He could sense Gojyo trying to find a way to frame the question that wouldn't earn him a bullet, and decided to raise it himself.

Another long drag of smoke. "…Trying to figure out why Shuei made such a stupid decision."

"Which one? Looked to me like he made a stack of 'em."

(Good point, not that Sanzo would say so.) "--Invoking the Curse of Araya." Long exhale. "I thought he was stronger than that."

"Well, but it sounds like the temple went to hell just about overnight," reasoned the hanyou. "I mean, your master was gone, and you were gone, so nobody knew what to do. Then there's another youkai attack and practically no one's left standing. Guy might make bad decisions at a time like that."

"I suppose so… But I don't get it. He'd studied with my master. And he was a believer; he'd taken the vows. But when a crisis arrived, he surrendered it all." He forced back the shudder of horror he'd felt at the sight of his old friend's pulsing scar and mad eyes, spoke low and fiercely. "Became the slave of a parasite, just for revenge."

"People," said Gojyo quietly, "will turn into strange things for revenge."

"…true."

Sanzo stubbed out the cigarette and got a second light from Gojyo. It took him a long minute to frame the next thought. He ached all over, and not from his wound.

"Someone like that…" The night around them was so still. "If someone like that can crack…"

He let it stay in the air_._ He could feel the red eyes watching him, calm and steady. So many nights he doubted his balance, his sanity_…_If Gojyo could sense that the thought scared the bloody, fucking hell out of him, he gave no sign of it.

"Don't worry, Sanzo-sama." The redhead exhaled a long plume of smoke. "I'd have no problem slicing your pretty head off. If it came to that."

This was oddly reassuring. "Personally I'd rather be shot. But whatever works."

Gojyo took his time with his second cigarette, added quietly, "It really ought to be Goku though."

"I've asked him. He says he'll do it if he has to." Long pause. "And Hakkai…I think if I began killing every youkai I saw, he'd try to be first in line. I wouldn't trust him to stop me." _But you don't have that darkness in you; you never have... _

Gojyo bowed his head in silent acknowledgement.

Sanzo tried to straighten up and a red flare of pain blazed through him. _Dammit--_He squeezed his eyes shut, shielding the bandaged wound with his arm as he fell back against the wall. Gojyo was there in a second, steadying his balance as he got his feet back under him.

"Told you you shouldn't be up." He held onto Sanzo a little longer than he had to and grinned at the glare he got for it. "Don't y'hate it when Hakkai's right?"

Sanzo swore under his breath. "Don't get any ideas about taking me back to bed, kappa."

"Wouldn't dream of it. Well, not often."

There was something unexpectedly comforting about the tall redhead's presence, even when he had the gall to _flirt _like that: that indefinable, tingling youkai scent, warm and electrical like the air of a thunderstorm. He let himself lean a little, grudgingly, as Gojyo settled against the wall at his side.

"….look, you aren't gonna go that way." The warm husky voice was softly certain. "You just don't hate youkai, even with all the shit that's happened to you. You're still with us, though people give you all kinds of attitude for it." Long pull on the cigarette. "Hell, you knew what 'Kai was and you still saved him."

_Though I still don't really know why_, the monk thought and didn't say. A light breeze had risen, sturring the leaves and the kappa's long hair, swirling their smoke into a joined spiral as it rose. He was starting to feel a little sleepy…Gojyo, looking off into the trees, was making a quiet crooning sound, as if humming to himself…

…warm, comfortable, and that deep, indefinable scent, like a forest, like still water…

…he forced his eyes open with a jolt as he realized he'd actually been dozing on his feet, and the brazen kappa had folded his arms around him, holding him close in his sleep as they stood there. He even had the nerve to smile as Sanzo pulled indignantly away.

"It _did _work on you. Thought it might."

"What did you do, you bastard?!" And _dammit_, his gun was in the sleeve of his robe, back in the bedroom. Bad enough he'd been undisciplined enough to fall asleep involuntarily, but he knew he'd never hear the end of this…

"Just wanted to help you sleep. It's an old youkai thing. Jien always said it'd work on anyone who had any kappa blood, and it always put me out like a light so I figured it'd do you too."

"_Kappa _blood? What the hell are you--"

But he remembered even as he spoke, and caught his breath.

"Yeah, the blood that she-male vampire sucked outa me to save your life with, exalted Sanzo," grumbled Gojyo, mock-offended. "Don't tell me you forgot already."

_Youkai blood--_

He was suddenly absolutely sure of something. "Fuck. She _knew_ this would happen."

"Hah?"

"That Rikudo…._damn."_ He shook his head, bitterly amused in spite of himself. "You three. Part youkai and part human. The Sanbutsushin called you the only ones for the mission, and now…" Dry, one-note chuckle. "I must be the first part-youkai Sanzo Priest. Complete set."

"Heh." The hanyou lit up another. "Can't outsmart the gods, huh?"

"So if I began wanting to blow all youkai's brains out, I'd have to start with my own…"

Gojyo leaned back into the wall, closing his eyes lazily. "So, I guess you better not."

And Sanzo felt sure of something else.

"You did that on purpose, you sly bastard."

"Did what?" He almost managed to look innocent. Almost. "I only wanted to help you sleep."

"I'll go and do that, then." He collected himself with all the dignity he could muster, considering. He _would_ be able to sleep; that ice-cold gnaw of fear was completely gone.

_You just don't hate youkai…_

No. Truth be told, he didn't hate them at all. Even when they were obnoxious, randy, smart-ass bastards.

…_that moment of waking up, warm and held close…_

'' 'Night, Sanzo-sama." The hanyou waved back airily over his shoulder.

He shook his head. Really, the nerve of that guy.

"…ch. You too."


End file.
